We live in a Big World.
This is something that I've always known, but it seems like the more I travel, the deeper my understanding of this grows. I was having this conversation with my Airbnb host over coffee in San Francisco this morning. She was telling me about her experiences growing up as an Asian American in a city as diverse as Los Angeles, and how she never really felt the sting of racism until she visited her boyfriend's family in a small town in the midwest. For the first time in her life, she felt the eyes of a storeowner following her around as she shopped at a small town convenient store and as conversations came to a halt and people stopped and stared when she walked into a local ice cream store alone. Each time, she said the heat rose in her cheeks and tears stung in her eyes. She said it was the first time she really understood that the world isn't an entirely safe place for people of color. As an asian woman growing up in a macro city full of color, it was an eye opening, revolting, and hurtful experience. When she relayed the events to her boyfriend's family, hoping to find a safe place and some solace from them, his brother replied, "Well, at least you aren't a n*****." Her jaw dropped to the floor, and tears began to fall from her eyes as the rest of the family tried to encourage her that he was "only trying to make her feel better." Unfortunately, it's an experience people of color have on a daily basis in some cities in America. I've been spending a lot of my time in airports this summer. Watching the comings and goings of people. Lots of people. Of all colors, shapes, and sizes. So many beautiful different hues of life passing by as they move from one place to the next, one terminal to another. And I think to myself, there is only so much you can learn about the world by occupying one bit of space for an entire lifetime. Perhaps that is part of what has led me on this journey to seek and explore what else exists in the world that we live in. I have a need to know what else is out there. Not just so that I can explore and learn of our differences. I think in the end, what I'm looking for is what it is that binds us. How are we the same, in spite of the thousands of small things that might separate us? From one moment and one conversation to the next these are the questions I strive to further explore as an expat. I no longer feel ties to a physical sense of "home." Sometimes this saddens me as I hear others speak about returning to their childhood home or describing in detail where they are from. While the people I love in this world are plentiful, I have found that home consists of wherever I am in the world. I am nostalgic for the sounds, smells, and familiarities of so many places, and while none of them are necessarily home, I find that I've left parts of small bits of myself behind with every new journey forward. I hope that as I continue to seek and explore the mysteries of what binds us, that I will do so with an open heart, a clear mind, and a curiosity that grows in spite of my age or experiences.
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AuthorMichelle is an expat and globetrotter, currently residing in Augsburg, Germany. Originally from the US, she has called Guam, China, and Germany home. Her passions include collecting children's picture books, reading, writing, traveling, and trying to remove coffee stains from freshly cleaned shirts. Archives
February 2022
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