We live in a Big World.
This is something that I've always known, but it seems like the more I travel, the deeper my understanding of this grows. I was having this conversation with my Airbnb host over coffee in San Francisco this morning. She was telling me about her experiences growing up as an Asian American in a city as diverse as Los Angeles, and how she never really felt the sting of racism until she visited her boyfriend's family in a small town in the midwest. For the first time in her life, she felt the eyes of a storeowner following her around as she shopped at a small town convenient store and as conversations came to a halt and people stopped and stared when she walked into a local ice cream store alone. Each time, she said the heat rose in her cheeks and tears stung in her eyes. She said it was the first time she really understood that the world isn't an entirely safe place for people of color. As an asian woman growing up in a macro city full of color, it was an eye opening, revolting, and hurtful experience. When she relayed the events to her boyfriend's family, hoping to find a safe place and some solace from them, his brother replied, "Well, at least you aren't a n*****." Her jaw dropped to the floor, and tears began to fall from her eyes as the rest of the family tried to encourage her that he was "only trying to make her feel better." Unfortunately, it's an experience people of color have on a daily basis in some cities in America. I've been spending a lot of my time in airports this summer. Watching the comings and goings of people. Lots of people. Of all colors, shapes, and sizes. So many beautiful different hues of life passing by as they move from one place to the next, one terminal to another. And I think to myself, there is only so much you can learn about the world by occupying one bit of space for an entire lifetime. Perhaps that is part of what has led me on this journey to seek and explore what else exists in the world that we live in. I have a need to know what else is out there. Not just so that I can explore and learn of our differences. I think in the end, what I'm looking for is what it is that binds us. How are we the same, in spite of the thousands of small things that might separate us? From one moment and one conversation to the next these are the questions I strive to further explore as an expat. I no longer feel ties to a physical sense of "home." Sometimes this saddens me as I hear others speak about returning to their childhood home or describing in detail where they are from. While the people I love in this world are plentiful, I have found that home consists of wherever I am in the world. I am nostalgic for the sounds, smells, and familiarities of so many places, and while none of them are necessarily home, I find that I've left parts of small bits of myself behind with every new journey forward. I hope that as I continue to seek and explore the mysteries of what binds us, that I will do so with an open heart, a clear mind, and a curiosity that grows in spite of my age or experiences.
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Ah, summer. The time of year when teachers read for fun and don't feel an ounce of guilt for staying curled up late in bed to finish reading a book at 3 AM. One of my goals this summer was to read for pleasure, but to also find books that helped to expand my worldview. Because of this, I tried to read books this summer that explored the human condition and stretched across a wide range of experiences. I wanted my summer reading to be a good balance of stories about humanity that stretched across many different countries and genres. Some of the central themes I read about this summer were citizenship, young adulthood and self-realization, domestic abuse, life as a child immigrant, womanhood, racism, LGBTQ personhood and homophobia, otherness, and deconstructing and rebuilding one's faith. This is just a smattering of some of the books I enjoyed this summer. 1. American Street By Ibi ZoboiGenre: Contemporary Young Adult Fiction American Street is a beautifully told story of a young Haitian immigrant''s experience being uprooted from her home in Port-au-Prince. Upon their arrival in America, tender, strong Fabiola comes to find that her mother has been detained by immigration officials and she must continue her journey to Detroit alone. There was a lot to appreciate about this book: particularly, the struggles of being an immigrant while also coming of age. This was a hard read in parts, but a beautiful one. 2. Funny in Farsi: A Memoir of Growing Up Iranian in America By Firoozeh Dumas3. Somewhere Inside of Happy by Anna McPartlinI recently moved into a new apartment this summer and found this book to be left behind by a friend who was in my book club last year. I picked it up while I was back in Hangzhou for a few days this summer and was surprised by how quickly I grew to love the characters. This is a special book, where Irish author Anna McPartlin captures a delicate subject in a time when people were less accepting. Set in the 1990's, it is a warm, compelling, beautiful, and sad story with an important message. 4. Love Warrior By Glennon DoyleGenre: Memoir “I'm not a mess, but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now when someone asks me why I cry so often. I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often--because I'm paying attention.' "If we choose to introduce our true selves to anyone, we will get hurt. But we will be hurt either way. There is pain in hiding and pain outside of hiding. The pain outside is better because nothing hurts as bad as not being known. The irony is that our true selves are tougher than our 'representatives' are. My tender self was never weak at all. She was made to survive the pain of love. My tenderness is my strength." A friend of mine recently recommended Glennon's book to me as we were discussing vulnerability and how much we often desire it, but how difficult it really is to live out in our relationships. I had already heard her name tumbling around in the world of other authors I love and admire. I fluttered back and forth between acceptance and annoyance on this one, but it is probably the book that I took the most from this summer. Glennon's honesty is the greatest draw of the book, which I think gives others the courage to live out their fullest selves too. 5. Towers Falling By Jewell Parker RhodesGenre: Young Adult
"Towers Falling" is a heartfelt and beautiful book that was a recommendation by a friend and fellow primary school teacher who listed it as one of her favorite reads of the summer. I read it cover to cover in one sitting and appreciated the author's ability to clothe a very needed book with so much humanity, community, and diversity. She somehow did this in a way that felt both honest and gentle. The intended audience of the book is middle grade students, although I feel that it was not quite complex enough for students of this age and would be better suited for upper elementary aged students. The author wrote the story as a resource for teachers to introduce students to 9/11- an event that happened prior to when they were even born.. There are so many things to love about this book that I can't list them all. As a teacher of children from various backgrounds, I think I loved the believability of the characters most. The diversity and liveliness of each character in this book was beautiful. Each character's goodness really shone through. I especially loved Deja, because she reminded me of so many of the students I worked with in my previous school: strong, proud, and trying to hold her head high despite her family's trials. The character development in this book was so rich that I could easily relate their stories and experiences to those of many of the children and families I have worked with over the years. Overall, this is an important book that shines a bright light on humanity, community, diversity, and how those things combined contribute to the strength of America. "When we feel awe, we feel connected to something much, much larger than ourselves. These doses of humility, ironically, can make us feel stronger, more resilient and kinder to each other. Studies show that when we experience awe, we feel like time slows down, and we behave more generously to one another." - Florence Williams, "The Nature Fix"
Being back on Guam has filled me with so much wonder and awe. It's fitting that I am reading "The Nature Fix" during my time here. I planned on writing a longer blog post about this, but for now, I think the beauty of the island speaks for itself. Returning to island life is something that I've dreamed about for a long time. It's funny how my perception of that experience has been changed by the fact that I was coming back to the island from China, and not the states. While living on Guam is no doubt expensive, it still has so many of the luxuries that I sometimes miss while living abroad in Hangzhou. It's been interesting to try to see which little things have made me smile while being back on island, and to try to differentiate between whether things I miss are about "stateside living" or things that are unique to the island itself. I've found so far that it's been a pretty even balance of both:
Things that have made me pause, smile, reflect, or find joy in:
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AuthorMichelle is an expat and globetrotter, currently residing in Augsburg, Germany. Originally from the US, she has called Guam, China, and Germany home. Her passions include collecting children's picture books, reading, writing, traveling, and trying to remove coffee stains from freshly cleaned shirts. Archives
February 2022
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