I walk a pretty thin line most days between being fiercely independent and a consistent needer of people. It's one of the hardest parts of being an ENFP (see obnoxious link about how much I love the Myers-Briggs test here.) I need a steady, balanced mix of the following in any given week to be truly happy: enough upbeat casual conversations to give me energy, enough significant, meaningful conversations to ponder and give me substance, and enough time entirely alone to refuel and focus on the things I love (reading, photography, being outdoors, strength training, poetry, and music). If I'm not careful to balance all three, I tend to fall into a funk until I am able to work out the balance again.
It's taken me some time to learn myself. When I was younger, even a decade ago, I was enormously extraverted (as most young ENFP's are) to the point where I seldomly gave myself the time alone I really needed to function well. Thinking back to my undergrad days, I remember thinking something was wrong with me when my lively and outgoing group of friends would want to go out (everywhere, all the time, always as a big group) and I would feel overwhelmed by the prospect. It took me years to realize that I simply needed some time alone to recharge, refuel, and to crave being around people again. ;) (And that I absolutely crave quality time alone with people.) I didn't realize at the time that as much as extraversion was my primary way of approaching the world, that I also possessed secondary introverted tendencies; something that has only deepened with age and life experience. Finding balance is an important part of living well. It is an aspect of life that the previous few years have held very little of, and one that I am making a conscious effort to maintain in this new chapter of life. Moving abroad again was a gamble for me. What I left in the states was an intensely stressful career that overtook my life in many ways and that I never learned to manage well. However, I also left behind substantial relationships that carried me through and people who will never really know how much they kept me afloat during some of the darker seasons in my life. Trusting that I would find meaningful relationships here in Hangzhou was holding onto blind faith in some ways. I knew I needed a change, I missed living abroad, and I already knew what anyone who has ever lived abroad can tell you about the relationships you form outside of your home country: that these people walking alongside you become your family in a completely different sense. You rely on each other in ways you could never imagine. They become your tribe. Transition is a funny word. I recently wrote and recorded a speech for a friend's freshman class stateside about what transition is and how to work your way through the process. The funny thing about life is that even as adults, we can never outgrow, outrun, or outrank transitions. We are constantly in a state of learning how to move through life. I am still learning how to find balance in my current setting. Upbeat, casual conversations are the norm around here, and I've had more opportunities to recharge than has ever been typical stateside. I am still seeking out and craving to find my deep, meaningful conversation partners around here. That usually comes with time and building solid relationships, but I am hoping I find those people sooner than later. Being an extraverted processor means craving the depth that comes with exploring how I feel about things out loud with another person. Unfortunately, it also means I often don't know how I feel about something until I write about it or have a conversation with someone ;) I'm finding my way here. The thing I love most about life is that we are constantly evolving. As a teen, I remember awaiting adulthood with so much expectancy, because by then I'd finally have it all figured out. Most days, that couldn't feel further from the truth. For being in my near mid 30's, I sure still have a lot of questions. :) In some ways, I feel that I'm the epitome of both an old soul and a late bloomer and figuring out my place in the world seems as though it's something I might never track down with certainty. I guess the journey is the destination in so many ways. Here's to following where it leads!
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AuthorMichelle is an expat and globetrotter, currently residing in Augsburg, Germany. Originally from the US, she has called Guam, China, and Germany home. Her passions include collecting children's picture books, reading, writing, traveling, and trying to remove coffee stains from freshly cleaned shirts. Archives
February 2022
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