A decade has passed, and with it, some pretty vast accomplishments have been made. I am always amazed at how much can be accomplished in 10 years. Reading through reflections that people have shared about the past decade of their lives has made me contemplate the changes in mine own as well. To say that the years have brought change would be an understatement. In 2010, I was 26 years old. I moved from Guam back to the US where I began trying to iron out the future of what my life as an adult would look like. I began working in the photography industry, and ran my own business for several years. While doing this, I went back to school to receive my Masters degree and began student teaching at a school I deeply treasured in St. Louis. I spent several years there working alongside some truly wonderful human beings, who will always hold an incredibly special place in my heart. In 2016, I moved from the US to China to teach at an international school, and became an avid traveler. The following year, I adopted a street dog whose presence has absolutely changed me for the better. And this year, I became an elementary school librarian (which unbeknownst to me, was my dream job). I never knew I could be so happy creating opportunities and conversations with students and teachers about books and experiences and community. And, my friends, I fell in love. Some of these pieces of my life I have openly shared, and others have been tucked away, as I've navigated what this means within the context of my future, my faith, and my life. For me, 2020 is the year I am choosing to step forward more fully into the woman I am becoming, growing more confidently into the person I am, and at ease beside the one I have chosen to spend my life with. This is the hand that has held mine for the past two years: in times of both joy and suffering. It is the hand that will hold mine in marriage, the person I hope I get to be lucky enough to parent beside, and the person I wake up and choose to laugh with, again and again, every single day. This relationship might surprise some of you. If it does, I hope the news of it will land gently for you. For those who will undoubtedly question where this came from and how I ended up finding myself here, I can only really offer you this: I’m still the same. I still cry at Folgers commercials, my heart still skips a beat when I watch Sound of Music or Anne of Green Gables (the love of classic movies and musicals instilled in me by my grandmother at a young age), and I still deeply cherish the relationships I’ve built with the people in my life (this includes you). I am still a walking disaster, prone to kitchen catastrophes and finding every conceivable way to injure or harm myself, and I still fiercely long and desire to be a mom someday. I still have faith in a God who is greater than myself- who has brought such immeasurable, immense blessings in my life. And I still believe that at the end of the day, people are far more alike than they are different. That our stories matter and that, by sharing them, we release others from carrying burdens that might be causing them to feel completely and utterly alone.
Coming to an acceptance of myself has been the deepest, most difficult journey I’ve traveled. I’ll always be grateful for the people who have walked alongside me with such genuine love during this season of immense questioning and understanding. In so many ways, nothing about me has changed- but in countless others- it seems as though everything has. I have learned to accept and love myself more fully, in ways I never truly was able to in the past. And I have been granted a gift that so many people long for- to be in a partnership where I am truly seen and deeply loved for all of the reasons I’ve listed above and more. My life hasn’t unraveled in the way I expected for it to. But it has been immeasurably more beautiful, loving, and true than I ever expected. It takes courage to walk forward towards the life you find for yourself. Perhaps I’ve learned this more than anything else as I’m making my way towards my future. The greatest fear of any LGBTQ+ person stepping out into this part of the journey is the fear of lost relationships. For a person like myself, who deeply cherishes every connection I’ve ever made, the implications of what this could mean cuts deep. But the pain of hiding such a bright, wonderful part of my life hurts more. So the New Year is as good a time as any to step forward. Life is too short to be lived quietly, while holding a space for the discomfort of others. And I have far too much peace and joy to share with the world to allow myself to live in that kind of fear. There is a future to be had, a life that is beautiful that I have loved every part of for the past two years. Until recently, I’ve been living this life quietly, reconfiguring what this means within the context of my life and the relationships I hold close to my heart. But it isn’t in my nature to lack connection with the people I love, and so as I spring forward, I can offer you this: there will be more. More transparency, more openness, more travel adventures, and more sharing about human connection, which is- honest to God- the only thing that really matters. I hope you’ll stick around to be a part of it. I hope the New Year holds an infinite amount of peace and joy for you as you navigate your own journey. May we all grow wiser, kinder, and more loving to others, but also to ourselves, this year. And please know, that for as long as you need one, you will always have a space here. ❤️
1 Comment
Camille
6/8/2021 05:27:52 am
I arrived on your blog through your article on how to love an ENFP - being one myself (and a traveler!), I found it very interesting, thorough and well written. Now I see that 3 years later you found love - I'm so happy for you! Congratulations to you both :-)
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AuthorMichelle is an expat and globetrotter, currently residing in Augsburg, Germany. Originally from the US, she has called Guam, China, and Germany home. Her passions include collecting children's picture books, reading, writing, traveling, and trying to remove coffee stains from freshly cleaned shirts. Archives
February 2022
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