Recently, an INTJ friend of mine reached out to me for advice on how to best communicate his affection for someone he is falling for. He is in the throes of a very new relationship with a fellow ENFP and is struggling to understand her in some ways. Being the relationship expert that I am (ha!), I did what all good lovers of MBTI do: I turned to Google with the hopes of finding a quick article to send to him.
What I found was that while there are a handful of good articles in existence about how to start a relationship with an ENFP, that there really weren't many that encompassed the depth of ENFP's and what they need for stability in a relationship. So without further ado: I give you this list. While I (obviously) connect with typology and find many truths in MBTI myself, please also note that humans are in fact individuals and that some things listed here could be subjective. However, given the ridiculous amount of time I've spent plugged into Jung's theory of psychological types, here are some truths that I'd consider mostly universal about ENFP's and their needs in relationships. Hopefully this list will help you to love, or at least better understand, an ENFP in your life. Things you should know: 1. We are naturally enthusiastic and curious. I recently spent some time with a friend I knew growing up, who I haven't seen much socially for many years. While we were out exploring a city that is still new-ish to me, she said. "I forgot just how curious you are. It's good to see you haven't changed much." Curiosity and enthusiasm are one of the things we are probably most known for. ENFP's have a genuine excitement for life and are full of natural curiosity about the world and the people in it. I have met older ENFP's who easily appear 20 years younger because of the zeal that they continue to have for life. It is one of the things that stands out most about our type and something that we value most about ourselves. We are fascinated by so many things. We are also easily amused. ;) How to love this part of us: Engage us in new thoughts or ideas. Engaging our minds is one of the quickest ways to really connect with us. Tell us what things you are currently wondering or thinking about and ask us the same thing. Throw scenarios our way or challenge us with new information. Knowledge is power and we love people who help us grow. 2. We like to take care of others, but struggle to be taken care of ourselves. But please do it anyway. We are seekers of people. We love them and when we connect with others, we are often the first to go out of our way to initiate conversations, check in to see how their day/week has been, and make sure they are doing okay. We feel fulfilled when the people in our daily lives are happy and we try to find ways that we can add to that. The truth is though, we are often on the giving end of those things. Sometimes we need to be taken care of, but we will never ask you to do it. We hate asking for help. This can end up being a really lonely place for ENFP's to be. How to love this part of us: Few things make me feel more special than knowing when someone is thinking of me or goes out of their way to help me or check in on me. Make it a point to make contact with us. Texts, small handwritten notes, or unexpected pop-ins (although not always welcomed at home) are all acceptable forms of checking in on us. We think so often of others that we will notice when the cards are reversed. 3. We really, truly are not flirting with the waiter. It will hurt us if you make the insinuation that we are. ENFP's are constantly accused of flirting (with everyone), and while it's true that most people will never have as much love and attention thrown their way by others as ENFP's often lavish, it really is only our curiosity that pushes us to engage in and interact with others as forcefully as we sometimes do. How to love this part of us: Accept the fact that your world has collided with someone who absolutely loves people and shows genuine interest in just about everyone. But also know that our loyalties run deep, and if we have chosen you, we will invest in you fully. ENFP's are very much all or nothing types. If we're not fully invested in you, you'll know it. ;) 4. We have layers. And lots of them. It will take us quite a bit of time (and some gentle prodding) to actually open up to you. This is probably one of the most surprising things about ENFP's. While we come off as being incredibly warm and open, we are actually very private. We rarely share personal things about ourselves with others. This is a juxtaposition of sorts, because what we crave most are meaningful conversations and interactions. The clincher is that while we want to know ALL about you, we will often hold back in sharing much about who we are and what we need from the people we do life with. Growing up and even today, I've often felt that many people feel closer to me than I do to them. There is nothing wrong with that, however, it's important to know that while we are external processors, we are internal feelers. There is a lot going on in my heart and mind on an ongoing basis that I might never feel that I am able to process externally with someone I love, unless they ask the right questions. There are very (very) few people who know me deeply, and those who do have really taken the time to invest in me. If you take any time to observe an ENFP, you will notice that they are usually focused on other people. How to love this part of us: Be understanding of the fact that we have introverted hearts. This can often cause confusion for those who love us, because while it appears that we are open books, we are actually quite selective in who we open ourselves up to. Be willing to love us through our layers. Ask open ended questions to encourage us to dive deeper with you. And realize that if we are volunteering personal bits of information with you, it's a big deal. 5. We need time to process and we're probably going to do it out loud. ENFP's are external processors. What this means for the people who share space with us is that we are often coming to revelations about things while we are speaking. Unfortunately, this also means that half the time that we are talking, it can seem nonsensical, because our brains don't do the whole, "processing and compartmentalizing what is share worthy and what is not" thing. I have about 18 conversations a day when I immediately regret the words coming out of my mouth because my brain just hasn't caught up yet. Luckily for mature ENFP's, this isn't usually too much of a problem, however, it does mean that our thoughts often seem scattered. How to love this part of us: Listen. Have patience for our whimsical way of sharing what is going on in our minds and understand that just because we might be venting, problem solving, or thinking out loud, it doesn't necessarily mean we want you to fix anything for us. Be understanding of how we process and don't judge us for the lackluster way that our thoughts can sometimes come together. Some of the people I have felt the safest with in life have been those that I can sit beside and think out loud with. It is one of the ways we make sense of life and having someone willing and unassuming enough to help us by listening to us process is gold. 6. Verbal praise is everything. This is a hard one to admit, but it's true of every ENFP I've ever known. We are over-analyzers and we know that we have big personalities. Because of this, we have a tendency to feel insecure in relationships if we aren't told exactly where we stand or how you feel about us. I often feel like I am just too much for people and since I was young I have always wondered if I'm encroaching on people's space, just by how I love them. Human connection is something ENFP's thrive off of and it is something we not only crave, but something we need to feel balanced. We need to know that you see us and appreciate us. ENFP's are people who need verbal praise often, especially from the people we care about. We have to know where we stand with you. How to love this part of us: This is a difficult one to write about without seeming really needy. This is an area where we have the potential to feel the most loved, if your comments are sincere. I guess the best way to love us in this respect is to be cognizant of the fact that this really is a consistent need of ours. Be specific in your praise and tell us when we do something that makes you grateful or proud. And remember that just because you told us on Monday how much you appreciate us, doesn't mean we won't need our tank filled again by Friday. 7. Go with the flow. An ENFP friend of mine recently got out of a long relationship where the deal breaker was the difference in which she and her partner approached the speed of life. He was too regimented and she was too free and they had a tough time meeting in the middle. ENFP's go with the flow of life. We like not knowing where a day might lead us or what adventures we might find along the way. We don't mind making plans but we don't always feel like we need to stick to them. As my mother would say, sometimes we just like to "fly by the seat of our pants." ;) How to love this part of us: Keep us on our toes. Be willing to go into a weekend or a vacation without having a schedule and surprise us by your willingness to seek out new experiences with us. 8. We crave consistency. Luckily for my friend, our natural relationship partners (in life and in friendship) often tend to be INTJ's or INFJ's. Some of this probably stems from the steadiness we find in those types. ENFP's have a tendency to be all over the place, but once you really learn our patterns, we are actually very predictable. Still, we are idea people who often have our heads stuck in the clouds. We need the gentle grounding of a person who is reasonable, steadfast, loyal, and dependable. Hot and cold personalities are among the hardest people for us to connect with because we never really know what to expect or where we stand with them. If you are warm and friendly one minute and cold the next, we will take it personally. How to love this part of us: Be consistent, especially in your interactions with us. Because we don't open up to everyone, if you are in our inner circle, we will likely desire contact with you on a routine basis. Knowing that we are an important part of your life validates our relationship and helps us know what to expect from you. I have often joked about this before, but it's true: there is nothing more charming to me than reliability. 9. Be willing to engage in parallel play. Parallel play is known as the stage in early development when small children play beside another child without engaging with them directly. ENFP's are the most introverted of the extroverted types. Being so, we crave time alone to think, process, regroup, and reflect on current happenings and wonderings. While we love people, we can become easily overwhelmed or overstimulated and need quiet time to re-energize. Especially at the end of a long day, there are few things that I love more than being beside someone who allows me to just be. My old coworker, Kathi, and I used to parallel play our way through report card comments, weekly planning, printing/filing/stapling, and so much more. Being in the presence of someone we love, even if we aren't talking, is comforting for us. How to love this part of us: Spend a Saturday curled up on the couch reading with us or in a coffee shop writing or getting work done. We crave time alone with the people we really love and quietly sitting in your presence will be a good balance of giving us time to regroup while also helping us to feel like we aren't alone. 10. Don't put us in a box. ENFP's need room to grow. More than most types, we see life as a journey and believe we are (and should be) constantly evolving through it. We are very quickly drawn to new adventures and ideas and while we do sometimes need to be pulled back down from the clouds, we also really value people who understand our need for consistent growth and new experiences. We see these as opportunities to learn more about ourselves. How to love this part of us: Encourage our personal growth and hair brained ideas. Find opportunities to help us try new things. Sometimes we do need to be snapped back to reality, but learn us well enough to know when to gently tug us back to earth and when to encourage us to spread our wings and fly. 11. Include us in your adventures. We love seeing the world through the eyes of people we love. If there is something you love doing, take us along on the journey. It will help us to feel like we are seeing another side to you and we might also learn something about ourselves along the way. How to love this part of us: While this is really more about you than it is about us, anytime we feel like a person has opened up a piece of themselves to us, we take that seriously. Being trusted with another person's dreams and adventures makes us feel like we are an important part of your life. 12. Criticize lightly. ENFP's throw our entire selves into life. We try to live rather than exist, so 95% of the time we pour our whole hearts into our work, relationships, art, hobbies, etc. We have a very difficult time separating who we are as a person from who we are professionally or who we are in a relationship. Despite how long I've been alive or how much I've tried to train myself otherwise, I will always be a little bit sensitive to criticism. How to love this part of us: Be gentle. We really do want to be the best version we can be of ourselves and the only way of doing that sometimes is to know what we can do better. Don't avoid confrontation with us. We are likely to do enough of that all by ourselves. Instead, choose your words kindly and come at us from a point of love. If we know that your aim is to better us or our relationship, we will really try to take it in stride. And if we've hurt you, please tell us. Communication is huge for us and we need to know how to remedy things, even when we're in the wrong. 13. Inspire us. I have never been drawn to someone I wasn't inspired by. I also couldn't ever be in a relationship with someone who wasn't passionate about what they do. The ability to inspire is probably one of the things I appreciate most in others. It is the kind of person I hope to be and so I seek the same in the people I hold in my inner circle. How to love this part of us: Share your ideas with us. ENFP's are types who often fall in love with a person's mind. We want to encourage growth in you as much as we want you to help us grow. By sharing your dreams with us, we will know how to support you in not only your future plans, but also in your every day life. 14. Be a safe place for us. The world is noisy, and we are often adding our own form of noise to it. At the end of the day, security is everything for us. We need to know that we have a retreat or escape from the rest of the world when things seem just a little bit chaotic or on days when we feel too much. Knowing that we are a safe place for you to land is equally important to us. How to love this part of us: Encourage us. Affirm us. Trust us. Believe in us.
49 Comments
Debi
3/4/2021 11:28:52 pm
Same :)
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Kahel
3/18/2017 03:39:14 pm
Thank you for this! I now understand myself more as an ENFP struggling to start an actual relationship because I don't know what is it that I want from one yet. There has been a lot of thinking involved on my part for this lately, because I believed I shouldn't go into one when I am not "ready" yet.
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Sophia
6/3/2018 06:49:28 pm
As an enfp this is all true to me! I’m married to an intj and we’ve been together a year now! I have always loved Intj’s as friends and I love my husband because he and other intj’s don’t typically mess with someone’s heart from what I’ve seen and we have the same core values, they take the word Love as a serious commitment and in my experience a promise and they also don’t open up to just anyone so it’s really special. My husband says it’s because we accept them as they are as they accept us, both types let them be their authentic self. They also understand our need for people and alone time in a way that’s refreshing. My husband and I were friends first, really good friends and it merged into more and I’m sharing this because it’s really cool to see a post about an intj and enfp! Our enthusiasm is what draws them in, in my experience no other type really appreciates us just being us as we are at the core ❤️
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Doug
7/1/2018 05:03:06 pm
Sophia, how long were you & your husband friends before dating and did you ever have difficulty knowing where you stood in the relationship ?
Kathi
3/18/2017 10:01:21 pm
I'm always impressed with how deeply you understand yourself and relationships. As I was reading, I was thinking "I truly miss our afternoon parallel play" time. When I actually read that as #9 I teared up. So wish you were here!! ❤❤
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Taya
3/18/2017 11:02:41 pm
Really loved this!
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Cheryl
9/17/2017 09:14:22 am
Ditto. Thank you for taking time to pen this article. As an ENFP, I concur with your findings. I feel understood.
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Great post, think you nailed it. Like others commented. It also gives a view into yourselve (when you're annENFP). A better understanding of all the dynamics and processes we go through every day. I loved 9 and 12. Maybe because it's really important but I was less aware. Thanks for creating this post.
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Sandii
3/20/2017 05:43:58 am
(enfp) Wonderful! Spot on. Thank you :)
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Caroline
3/22/2017 07:55:14 am
YES! I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. I feel like I could have written this word for word. Especially the partsabout craving consistency, having depth/layers (people always are surprised when they figure that out about me), and liking to take care of others but not letting others do the same (or secretly wanting them to, but acting like I don't.) I even wish these were things my friends understood better about me, not just my spouse. I'm sharing this! Thank you again! So much!
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Hellen
5/15/2017 06:46:48 pm
Wow, you described me, as an ENFP, better than I've seen in any other writings.
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Quzy
5/23/2017 08:27:43 pm
#9. I feel so bad at the end of the day that I'm not talking and playing WITH my kids. I have felt exhausted and spent but what a concept...parallel play! I love it!
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Maddie
6/1/2017 06:21:39 am
THANK YOU! This is so accurate. You're a great writer!
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Kelsi
6/28/2017 02:52:19 am
Wow! This is by far one of the best articles I have ever read on ENFP! It was like looking into a deep and descriptive mirror of every feeling and thought I have daily. I have already shared it with my fellow ENFP'S and my husband. . . Next on the list, my boss and everyone in my circle. Thank you for your expert writing skills and descriptive and direct display of exactly who I am!! Praise!!!
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Courtney
7/21/2017 06:43:09 am
This is the most accurate reading about ENFP's that I've ever read!!! Thank you thank you thank you so much for this. I wish my friends and family would read this so they could understand me better!!
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Jen
7/24/2017 08:19:44 am
I'm an ENFP. I have recently been on a small emotional journey trying to figure out why I am struggling when everything in life appears to be A-ok. After 21 years in a marriage with a dutiful ISTJ, I feel worn out, and simply not myself. There was a nagging feeling that if he could understand the WAY I need to be loved then things could really improve for us, but I wasn't sure how exactly to even express that. Telling him seems inauthentic and yet he isn't intuitive enough to figure it out on his own. It's as if he would need an instruction manual on how I need to be loved. Thank you for writing these thoughts down. They concisely sum up all the major components that make up an ENFP's needs. I especially resonated with the parts that enfps hate asking for help even though we may really need it and how we have introverted hearts. I usually feel like I am living life as a dichotomy... happy and bubbly but sad, love and need being with people but need tons of alone time, etc. It totally confuses my husband, who expects that what works one moment should logically work the next, not realizing that a million small details changed to make it a whole new scenario. Anyways. Thank you. I'm bookmarking this and sharing with my guy.
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WLP74
2/24/2018 06:31:17 am
Ended a long-term relationship/brief marriage with a solid ISTJ. Accountant, long-time government employee, perfect financials, and credit score. The most variation I witnessed was him choosing a different tie every day. He ended it out of nowhere and it was something I was not happy about (2 young kids) at the time. I loved and cared for him, but was always waiting for him to show more understanding and interest in the deeper me, how I operated, my outlook in life, and wanting and seeing progress. In retrospect though, and just recently learning about my ENFP typing, we were not well matched at all. For US, I believe, when we met we were at a crossroads in life and our strengths complimented our weaknesses at the time. I was fun and exciting for him and he was admirable stable, secure, and established (my god he had an actual mortgage). In the end, I had to admit it was honestly soul-crushing being with him even if I tried to have the best intentions about it throughout. He's just way too traditional, PAINFULLY quiet and inexpressive, judgey, conditional, and never went anywhere different unless I planned things most of the time. I never knew where he really stood on anything deep down, truly. Any efforts to change or to directly dive deep with him were super short-lived and fruitless. I realize now I was definitely too "big picture", "flighty", and unpredictable for him. I have tested borderline ENTP out of the many tests I have taken (official MBTI and others online) which lends itself to my going through a handful of small scale entrepreneurial service & digital marketing mildly successful side hustles so I could be home with the kids while they were young and still cover money from my end. It seems he wanted more of a full corporate venture and I greatly suspect all of this grated on him. I could not help him build his life's portfolio and he had zero interest (beyond placating) in me, my family, my history, my diverse background+++ We were probably together way longer than we should have been, but because he does not like to rock the boat, and I am always ever hopeful of changing/new possibilities, IT. DRUG. ON. But honestly, I feel so free now and it's such a relief after he decided to play his final jerk card. Bonus: I no longer have to endure 6 hour (without fail) holiday rigid / sterile family visits (his) several times a year. After while I would bring secret alcohol with me to take the edge off 3 hours in. lol I'm heading into my mid-dish 40's now and still have the outlook on life as someone in their 20's. I have always thought the world was/is my oyster and life is awesome (despite the crap that exists). I get to have lots of unencumbered fun with my kids now, too (ages 7 and 2). We just get in the car and go somewhere new and turn up the music as one example while the dishes stay in the sink and no one cares. :-D ISTJs serve their function in society with their high order and white bread civility. Plus, my child support gets paid on time. haha That said, he "bequeaths" no more to me financially for our kids (think swimming lessons so they don't drown) than he thinks I *deserve* despite court order. He loooooves his financial power plays and looking down at his nose at me telling me how irresponsible I am (so I am a little late a lot and lose my keys all the time, so what?). I still manage to keep long-term employment and pay all my bills on time and have kept a roof over my head before and after him. My way was not his way and he just can't handle deviations. Those 5 years with him were the most boring I had ever lived and glad to be moving on.
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Clive
11/20/2019 04:20:28 am
I've (infj) fallen in love you 😍 reading your story
Sally B
3/17/2018 01:13:52 pm
Totally resonate with your story - I was married to an ISTJ for 11 years together 15 and our relationship never deepen and eventually divorce was the only option- he was so dependable and stable yet just couldn’t understand all the very accurate 14 points listed above! Great article xx 😘 good luck hope your hubby sees the light that shines in an ENTP !
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Mememe
4/21/2018 01:50:40 pm
I, too, am an ENFP married to an ISTJ. I have nothing to say about it, except "opposites attract" doesn't mean they will last. I honestly don't know what ibwas thinking when I married him
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stephanie
9/17/2017 06:48:09 pm
this is the most accurate description of an enfp that I have ever read. i am moved by your clarity and tenderness.💜
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L
9/17/2017 10:59:33 pm
Thank you, such an honest post. I'm an INFJ and this has really helped me understand how I may have miscommunicated with an ENFP person growing up (and vice versa). So much of what you shared seems to explain the strained dynamic which has never stopped puzzling me. Bless our little hearts, it seems like we were trying to sing the same thing to each other but in different keys.
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Anja
10/19/2017 11:18:24 am
I admire your accurate, detailed description of being an ENFP as well as your writîng style. It took me too many years to have this understanding of myself. So many things would have been easier... Thank you very much for sharing and good luck on your journey of life!
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Anna
2/6/2018 12:37:02 pm
I am sure I am married to an ENFP. As an INTP, it is awesomely humbling to read this and see, WOW! I have been doing things right...just needed a little more inspiration to keep at it/add more.
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Pattie
2/16/2018 10:12:11 pm
Interestingly I am an ENFP and my husband is an INTP. I loved this article and I agree that you have described me to a tee. I am 65 and finally figuring myself out along with my husband. After reading this article to him, he said... "I had been doing things all wrong for a long time." What an eye opener for both of us. The one about "Inspire me" made me cry and could almost NOT even read it to him because I know this is what really attracted him to me. All I can say is absolutely WOW!! Now I know why I didn't get along well with my supervisor at work and thought that her "praise" was disingenuous and empty to me. Thank you from the bottom of my introverted heart!!!
Kaitlyn
11/9/2017 08:17:20 pm
Thanks, this was really well done.
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Jeanna
11/26/2017 10:20:46 am
I have never felt as understood as I do in reading this description. You. Totally. Nailed. It. 🙌🏼
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Aundrea
12/13/2017 08:10:10 am
I am so happy that I came across this today!!! I am an INFJ married to an ENFP. We have known each other for 22 years and have been married for 21 of those years. 100% of what you are saying here rings true. I didn't really start studying our MB types until a couple of years ago, and it has been so much fun to see written words to what we have been experiencing. ENFP's are awesome human beings!! :)
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Gilette
12/26/2017 10:49:25 pm
Charmingly written and spot on! Thank you for sharing your insights. Being an ENFP myself, it of course always feels great to be understood😊
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Nat
2/9/2018 09:40:45 am
As I learn more and more about being an ENFP, I'm fascinated and relieved to find accurate descriptions and explanations of behaviours and thoughts that constitute my daily experience of the world and of myself. I have spent so much time and effort trying to figure things out for myself by myself that when I read your words, it was so wonderful and freeing to receive confirmation of what I've worked at understanding and accepting. Coming from an invalidating but stable environment that often misunderstands and does not appreciate all of me, I feel that your words bring a breath of fresh air into my being. I agree with others that it's also something I can share to let those who matter to me better grasp who I am and why I do and say what I always feel compelled to. Thanks for helping me along the way to always being my true self and true to myself.
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Takoda
2/13/2018 12:13:19 pm
(ENFP) totally spot on , I’m gonna send my friends this link lol
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Bailey
2/17/2018 12:45:36 am
I LOVE this! My fiancé is an ENFP (I’m an INFP 😬) and all of these are so true and so so helpful! I love number 4, I am still learning things about him.. Such beautiful creatures you ENFPs 😍
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Bek
3/12/2019 11:31:38 am
I'm INFP, dating ENFP and honestly it's so amazin!!!
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Caitlin
4/16/2018 07:03:11 am
I have never, ever felt more understood by an ENFP characteristic description. Saving this to make all future significant others read. You say it all so much more concisely than I could. :)
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Brenda
4/17/2018 03:13:43 pm
Wow, perfectly written. I recently had a few life changing events that put me on a journey of self discovery learning that I am ENFP. My curiosity and love of learning oput me on a mission to understand my personality type. This article really explains so much and I appreciate you sharing it.
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Michelle
4/26/2018 04:11:33 am
Well written article! ENFP approved!
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Kathleen
7/1/2018 09:49:40 pm
Thanks for this! I feel fortunate to have found your very insightful and thought-provoking post through the recommendation of @ENFPInsight on Twitter. As an ENFP married to another ENFP, I find your suggestions doubly useful! And as others have pointed out, these insights could also be helpful in understanding the needs of an ENFP in friendships or work collaborations. By the way, I agree with those who said you are an excellent writer; I hope you will consider doing more blogging.
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Ada
11/1/2018 04:08:25 am
Thank you so much for this article. I am an INTP. Most of my friends are ENFPs and they are the people I feel the most secure, happy and energised. I had a hard time understanding their "feeling" side but without it, they woulnd't be the same so I accepted it and now I actually appreciate other point of view.
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Nathalie
3/4/2019 06:57:27 pm
Thank you for posting this ^_^ I just found an enfp in my life and it's rare to find someone with the same want of deeper connection since I'm an infj. I want to be careful with my steps in befriending her, it's hard for me to initiate doing something but now I know what to do if she desire for any contact or interaction :)
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Jem
3/22/2019 06:58:36 pm
Thank you for this article! I printed it out for my hubby to better explain my needs
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SuzieB
6/28/2019 04:52:54 pm
Wow! Thank you so much for this epic write up, I'm an infj female married to an enfp husband for 10 years now. I'm just fully grasping recently his real nature (following a protracted period...2yrs of emotional/sexualize tension b/w us). He is finally gradually letting me into his "layers" because I was truly confused & decided to try a diplomatic approach & stayed open to his own felings to understand what was going on between us emotionally. Reading this now got me tearing.... ""EVERY SINGLE POINT "" you raised describes him & his "unspoken needs" perfectly, & I missed it big time. I realized I have really taken his love for granted over the years, i took things too casually with him, busy chasing my "rigid principles". Underneath all his sweetness has been a soul crying & longing secretly for acceptance (of who he is), trust & respect from me, which in my selfish & perfectionist nature I didn't realise. He kept on being the very sweet, kind & wonderful man he is on the outside, but I noticed the gradual emotional withdrawal & it got me pondering..... Looking at him right now makes me feel aweful, he has always put me first & practically sacrificed himself for me on a daily basis, but I totally neglected his own needs, because he hardly complains, easily forgives my insubordination. On the surface it looked like he is "always fine" (or so I thought) & nothing got beneath his skin. I was so wrong. Now i fully understand, He is emotionally empty! EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTED by me! I have bookmaked this page, I will constantly go through it to stay afloat on how to show him love, because I truly love him with all my heart. I pray i can repair the emotional damages I have caused him over the years & make him feel genuinely loved. Thank you once more.
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Dave
1/22/2020 10:34:57 am
Love it... as a fellow ENFP a lot of this was very relatable. For me though, I've always been extremely attracted to and a good match with ISFPs. I want someone playful, caring, loving, easygoing, open-minded, and affectionate... and into sex. I often find these qualities in them, and they're usually very good people with good values which is so attractive to me. I find having someone to keep me in the moment and who will say something in moments when with another intuitive it would be an awkward silence is very useful. They're also usually quick to apologize and don't let their egos get in the way like it often does for us - we always want our partner to come to us first if they upset us. They also don't really like to fight much, and we avoid conflict wherever possible. Obviously as extraverts we're often annoyed by other extraverts in relationships so I agree with wanting an Introvert as well. I think it's the perfect match, so it's interesting to see how many of you prefer TJs... I want nothing to do with a TJ in a relationship... and I really don't want someone who's an Intuitive also either. Maybe an ISTP or ISFJ would work, but no thanks on a TJ or N anything
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Lily
7/10/2020 02:33:53 pm
Wow! This is totally me both in relationships and friendships! It's so insightful it's almost scary.
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Jess
8/23/2020 11:21:05 am
This is amazing! So accurate!
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Jasmine
11/6/2022 08:51:52 am
Wow! This article is excellent! I am an ESTJ who is dating an ENFP. My best friend for nearly 8 years is an INFP, so I am used to exploring possibilities and feelings (even though it doesn't come naturally to me, lol). I love how deep my ENFP boyfriend can go with thoughts, feelings, exploring, adventure, etc. It truly has opened up a softer side of me that is more in touch with my feelings. Because I am so detail oriented, and I'm also very practical, dependable, and structured, I have been able to see where he seems to be over-extending himself in taking care of others but neglecting his own needs. Because I love him (and because I've had practice being gentle), I try to gently encourage him to let me run his back, give him cuddles, or just sit next to him while we read or watch a show. I was glad to read that those are things that can help nourish him. I can be a bit literal, and abstract thinking isn't necessarily my strong suit, lol. But, I love this man, and if there are practical things that I can do to show him my love and make sure he is taken care of, I want to do them.
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Greta
10/17/2023 05:30:45 am
One of the most bautiful and clear, very beneficial summary about my beloved ENFP. Thank you so much. <3
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AuthorMichelle is an expat and globetrotter, currently residing in Augsburg, Germany. Originally from the US, she has called Guam, China, and Germany home. Her passions include collecting children's picture books, reading, writing, traveling, and trying to remove coffee stains from freshly cleaned shirts. Archives
February 2022
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